Overextended

o·ver·ex·tend

ˌōvər.ikˈstend

verb

1. 1. impose on (someone) an excessive burden of work or commitments.
       "She should not overextend herself with work as much as she does"

Or, another way to put it: When you crave time off in the worst way because you're so busy, but when it comes, you can't enjoy it because there's simply too much to do. 

I remind myself all of the time that this is just a season. It's a crazy ride - this whole "doing school and work at the same time" thing. Yet, I always seem to choose paths that are not typical. I didn't just study music in high school, I embraced absolutely every opportunity I could, making myself insanely saturated and busy. I moved 2k miles away from home for school, even though I was pegged as a homebody. I way over-did it as an undergrad, sometimes causing my friends to remind me how selfish it caused me to be. I married 5 days after college graduation. That was pretty stressful. My husband and I went through graduate school at the same time. Most people advise against something like that, though we survived just fine. I gave birth then began teaching college classes 5 weeks later. I began work on a DMA in spite of having a young child and a full-time job. If I let myself be honest, then I have to say I enjoy these challenges. I feel pushed to my limits, farther beyond what even I think I can do. Then, when I achieve my goals, the taste of those achievements is sweeter than anything. Well, sweeter than most things.

In spite of this, I hope that, after this DMA season is over, I learn to slow down, to enjoy life at a predictable and reasonable pace. I think my husband, daughter, and body will thank me.

For now, I navigate the crazy schedules, performance and work demands, and eye twitches one day at a time.