Lessons for (or from?) a 2-year-old

One of my students passed away on 09.11.11. She was a remarkable individual, battling cancer for over 2 years and leaving little evidence of the obvious trauma that this must have caused on the inside. I had the privilege of knowing her as a singing coach and accompanist, but in many ways she has coached me.

Two days before her passing, Kaitlin and I visiter her at Mass General Hospital. Though Vangie was very soft spoken and not completely herself, she still managed to talk to me about cooking, birthdays, Kaitlin, and even said "fantabulous" once or twice. As we left the hospital room along with a colleague, she said in a blurred sort of way, "If you need anything call me." Though she was completely unable to follow through on this promise to help us out, it struck me (as it has during this whole 2+ year cancer battle of hers) that she truly knew what it meant to put others before herself. It also made me sad to think that I might not be as selfless in the same situation. Perhaps now, with her example, I can make sure that doesn't happen. Good and tough thoughts, man.

As we remembered and buried her today, I am once again reminded of our own mortality. Nothing is more certain, and yet the sense of loss when one passes is never less sharp than the one we experienced before. Whether sudden or long-coming, death can seem to always have a sting.

Kaitlin (who is now 2 years old) knew Vangie. Having visited her when very sick, and having attended a few minutes of the Wake, Memorial service, and Burial, I have now come to appreciate the great difficulty of summarizing death to a two-year-old.

*Let me also add that I was hesitant to bring her to all of these things mentioned, but I am so glad that I did (and she did a great job).*

At the hospital, I told her Vangie was very sick.

After her passing, I said she was no longer sick, no longer suffering.

At the wake, I told her we were going to visit her family, but that Vangie's body was all gone. (This made it difficult to explain later when we arrived and saw her body laying in a casket.)

At the funeral, I told her that a group of people were gathering to remember her, and that many people were sad because she is gone. I told her that she had become an angel and could sing praises to God all day long.

I didn't tell her anything at the burial, because I didn't know what else to say.

Just now I overheard Kaitlin in the monitor saying "We going to Vangelyna's family. Vangelyna's not sick anymore." So I think this hasn't traumatized her (obviously I didn't want it to) but she was thinking, aware, and is digesting as only a little 2-year-old mind can do.

Death can be such a complicated event, especially when it is in the family. Somehow for me, it was made easier to grasp by having to explain and simplify sickness and death to a 2-year-old. It sucks, and it's something that happens no matter what. But when push comes to shove God has already prepared a better place for us that doesn't involve cancer and chemo and dying. Death for Vangie has no sting. And that is more than awesome.

How to make life simple: Step 1

I woke up yesterday and realized how to enjoy the summer with my daughter:

Do whatever she wants. It's a win-win situation.

I love this little girl to pieces.

(Photo taken on her 2nd birthday. I put it here so you can agree with me on how wonderfully cute she is <3 )

Life Update July 2011

Welp since it's been so long, instead of pre-meditating on what to share, I'm going to try the sit-down-and-write method. We'll see how it goes.

Life for us has been, well, lacking. I'm starting to get to the point where I think other people are tired of hearing about our sob story, how we have no friends, no family nearby, Matt's job is awful, bla bla bla. I am even tired of saying it. The only bright spot for us seems to be my job, which is a blessing in more ways than one.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with the college provost. I will be signing a full-time contract for the coming year, a contract which includes more money, benefits, and less hours than I've been putting in during my 3 years at this institution. Wow!

My mom just completed an 11-day visit here in MA. I'm particularly sad at her leaving. The older Kaitlin gets, the more I want her to know her family. And the longer we go on here with no fam/friends, the lonelier I get too. It was so nice to have her here!

Before that we went to IL for a family wedding, and we will be returning again this weekend for Matt to preach at our old church (and attend a church-family wedding).

We will be putting Kaitlin in daycare this fall, but I do not know where. There is a bit of anxiety related to getting this squared away.

An outsider would argue that the only missing piece to our family puzzle is Matt's incompatible job (which he hopes to depart from at some point). However, we're so in need of community that our hearts just ache. Every day is a bit harder than the one before. So we're eagerly waiting for the change that we know must come. And we're in definite need of patience!

That's all my time allows for. Peace out, friends.

Ten Years Ago

Today marks the 10th anniversary of the death of my friend Karen Lee FitzPatrick. Ten years is a long time. And a short time.

This was my post last year in commemoration of her 9th anniversary last year.

Funny how we mark the passing of time with births and deaths.

Going "green"

I have gone over a week without using paper towels.

This may seem like a stupidly small way to go "green," but I'm of the opinion that every little step helps.

Problem is, I have no idea whether this effort really is "green" at all. How much energy does it take to run my washer and dryer to clean the rags I'm using instead? How much work does it take to clean the water used in my washing machine, as well as the extra water I'm using because of rinsing rags after each use? Do those answers trump the amount of energy, material, chemicals and other environmental pollutants used to create the paper towels?

We also began recycling about a week ago. Same questions apply here (i.e. is recycling all of these unnatural products like plastics and natural products like paper really worth the effort?).

I've started phasing out chemicals that don't clearly state that they're not harmful for the environment. So far we've got dish soap and laundry detergent that are "earth friendly."

We planted a very small garden two weeks ago. That, I am sure, will have a positive environmental impact.

I've really been convicted about how ignorant I am regarding my carbon footprint. I've never thought about the impact on our air and natural resources when driving my car around aimlessly. I've chosen not to think about the waste I'm contributing to landfills. I've never thought about the risks, to everyone, of my in-home chemical use.

So I'm choosing to think about it. I'm taking some baby steps (assuming that these are steps that are actually helping our environment).

And I'm wondering: what baby steps have you taken to go "green"?

True Love

True love is, while giving your child a bath, squeezing human feces out of said child's hair after she has smothered it all over her entire body, crib, blankets, and on the walls.

<3

Prayer

Help me, O Lord, to rise up

from this grave

laden with lies,

guilt and shame.

And renew my mind to love you again

as in the days of my youth

when everything was simple.

Help me believe there's more to this life than

buying and selling,

thinking and questioning.

And help me start

loving and living,

giving and forgiving

again.

Equally Skilled

Music and Lyrics by Jon Foreman

How miserable I am

I feel like a fruit picker who arrived here after the harvest

There's nothing here at all

There's nothing at all here that could placate my hunger

The godly people here are all gone

There's not one honest soul left alive here on the planet

We're all murderers and thieves

Setting traps here for even our brothers

And both of our hands are equally skilled at doing evil

Equally skilled at bribing the judges

Equally skilled at perverting justice

Both of our hands

The day of justice comes

And is even now swiftly arriving

Don't trust anyone at all

Not your best friend or even your wife

For the son hates the father

The daughter despises even her mother

Look, your enemies are right,

Right in the room of your very household

And both of their hands are equally skilled at doing evil

Equally skilled at bribing the judges

Equally skilled at perverting justice

Both of their hands

No, don't gloat over me

For though I fall I will rise again

Though I sit here in darkness

The Lord, the Lord alone, He will be my light

I will be patient as the Lord

Punishes me for the wrongs I've done against Him

After that He'll take my case

Bringing me to light and give justice for all I have suffered

And both of His hands are equally skilled at ruining evil

Equally skilled at judging the judges

Equally skilled at administering justice

Both of His hands are equally skilled at showing me mercy

Equally skilled at loving the loveless

Equally skilled at administering justice

Both of His hands

Finals week

1 recital, 1 jury, and 1 studio class accompanied for, 1 exam given, and 18 coachings down.

2 dozen juries, 1 diction final, and several rehearsals to play for, 2 dozen juries to adjudicate, tons of grading, 1 exam to give, and 1 ANNIVERSARY to finish the week off!

Though logic would tell me to think on the contrary, I rather like teacher's side of finals-week-craziness. Why? Well, for one, I am not the one being tested on all of this stuff!

:0)

ProcrastiMountaineering

I have never climbed a mountain. I probably never will. But recently I've been obsessed with reading about or watching it. Very strange. Very exhilarating! (To me, at least)

Alas, "Into Thin Air" by John Krakauer was an excellent read. I would recommend it to anyone who is into adventure/suspense. Based on a horrific true story.

One of my long time favorite nonfiction novels is "Alive: The Story of the Andes Survivors" by Piers Paul Read. Both are similar in nature, and both are catastrophic death-and-life stories. Matt makes fun of me because of my fascination with disasters. He has every right to - it is pretty odd, considering I'm an overly safe person. Chilean miners, Air France flight 447, Perfect Storm, etc....I've watched documentaries on them all.

Now that I've conquered one item on my summer "to do" list, I should probably get back to grading those tests...

Summer To-Do List

1. Exercise

(Which probably necessitates buying that jogging stroller I should've bought when K was born...oops)

2. Read

List so far:

"Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne

"Till we Have Faces" by C.S. Lewis

"Into Thin Air" by Krakauer

"Love Wins" by Rob Bell (well, if I can muster up the courage to read it after all of the controversy)

3. Improve our basement

4. Paint our kitchen

5. Do creative projects and fun trips with K

6. Invest in relationships with other women in my area

7. Finish all of the Rosetta Stone French levels I own

Staying at home: a cultural or moral dilemma?

I was encouraged today by playgroup moms (mentioned in this previous post) who unanimously confessed that they are *wait for it* not happy with just staying at home with no job when it comes to parenting.

Considering that I was beginning to think that I'm the only one who internally struggles with the prospect of the SAHM life, this news was a big relief.

Anyway, one mom said "The pressure to stay at home is entirely a cultural issue, and not a moral one." This piqued my curiosity. While I have my own thoughts, I was wondering: Do you think she is right or wrong?

"Hard" is relative.

I've had a hard couple of days. And before that, a hard couple of weeks.

The last few days I've performed several long recitals which involved lots of repertoire. As a collaborative pianist, I expect and enjoy this. But it requires a lot of functionality, a lot of concentration, perfect execution at the exact right moment, many notes played, many notes read. After the most recent performance, I needed a mental break.

Before that my hard weeks were caused by much turmoil in my heart and soul about life direction, my husband's vocation, my vocation. Am I doing the right things with my time? Am I cheating my child out of much-needed time with her mother? Is it time to have another child? Do I have to subscribe to the world's way of mothers staying at home and fathers going off to work? Having so many unanswered questions about life can be unsatisfying and draining.

Before that I had to complete a massive project for work. I spent countless extra hours sorting, writing, copying, organizing. None of which I was paid for.

But then. I interacted yesterday with another pianist much like me, who carries a big performance load, who had all sorts of additional peripheral life demands that they were tackling: school, other jobs, etc. Next to that person I could easily see that I'm not the only one who has these particular types of demands.

And then. I have begun to know several wonderful women in my playgroup recently who are also transitioning through life, unsure of vocation, etc. And yet they're pregnant with another child. And they're boldly choosing to stay at home. And they're making sack lunches for their husbands. They're doing all of the things I am not sure of or don't have time for, and they seem just fine.

And then. I completed my huge work project. I harbored a few bitter feelings about not being paid (then gave them away). But my favorite colleague, who is in charge of this big project, so eloquently pointed out to me two days ago that my portion of this project is about 1/40 of the finished product. She's responsible for about 3/4 of the rest of it. Put in my place again.

Why do I feel that my life is so hard?

Is my life any more remarkable than the next person's? Why do I act as if others do not face huge questions, or that others don't have demands to use their skills, or that others aren't asked to do things with nothing in return, or that they aren't doing this while also being a parent to at least one child? In writing this post, I know that my feelings about life being "hard" are all relative.

But somewhere deep down I'm struggling to accept it. I have long made a pattern of convincing myself that my load is greater than others'. How wrong is this! How selfish and ignorant!

The things that make my life "hard" pale in comparison to many other humans throughout history.

I think I need a bit of perspective.

Career vs. Mom

I can't decide whether I want to be a career woman or a mom of more than one kid. Or if Kaitlin should have a sibling who is less than 4 years younger than her.

All my life I've been working towards my career. In school of any level it is, "Work hard so that you can go to college, so that you can get some degrees in your field, so that you can get a good job doing what you do best."

I took that advice to heart. Working hard on my skills, grades, and degrees were all important because it was my "calling" to put those skills to use as a functional person in our world.

Nobody really emphasized the option of being a mother instead. Which, by the way, is wonderful. Nobody really said, "You're going to go to college, you may get a job, but be prepared to embrace the joys of full-time motherhood and put your other skills aside for a while (maybe a long while)." I really wish my teachers or leaders has said more on the subject. For so long I've been operating under the pretense that to be an effective person is to have a job doing something you're really good at, and all of the work that goes toward that end. It's only recently dawned on me that I just might need to be willing to let the career thing go. And I don't wanna.

Can I do both, and do them both well?

Do I have to decide?

I'm torn in a way I've never been before. I feel like half of me expects myself to stop everything and be a full-time mom, while the other half expects me to get my doctorate and teach full-time at a college. I am unable to decide for myself.

I think, in the end, God will decide for me. Thank the Lord, because I certainly can't.

Too many questions

I've really been struggling lately with life-direction and plans for the future. Every time I have a conversation with someone about it, read a thought-provoking article, or hear a sermon preached on matters of the future, I am simply too bombarded with thoughts/questions/fears/concerns/etc. to be able to take away anything useful for life application. And I frankly don't have many friends with which to discuss the issues.

I thought coping with life's demands and questions was supposed to get easier with time.

What is this about?

The wind is moving but I am standing still.

A life of pages waiting to be filled.

A heart that's hopeful, a head that's full of dreams,

But this becoming is harder than it seems.

Feels like I'm looking for a reason,

Roaming through the night to find my place in this world.

Not a lot to lean on, I need Your light to help me find

My place in this world.

I think there is a reason this song was so wildly popular decades ago.

Only one woman

I cannot possibly care adequately about all the things I want to care about while being responsible for a 1 year old, working, doing my fair share at home, and managing all of life's immediate demands (like getting sick after eating lunch or finding out a huge report is not due in a week, but today).

In another world I would clip coupons, prepare all my meals on Saturday, exercise, redecorate my house according to the seasons, do the laundry in real time, read books on faith, music, marriage and parenting, practice the piano, play the piano for fun, study French, journal more than a page a day, do everything my husband asks me to do after only the first request, and deep clean frequently.

There are days when I can accept my reality and simply get done what I can.

Other days, like today, I feel perpetually guilty and insufficient.

This song has been close to my heart over the years. Perhaps if you resonate, you might enjoy some encouragement too.

Answered prayer

For months we have been praying for Dr. Gary Parrett. A professor at the seminary, Matt had chose him as one of his favorites early on. As a hobby, Dr. Parrett had written many texts to well-known hymn tunes. Years ago both Matt and I had spent time singing through these hymns, marveling at the amazing gift this man had been given to somehow capture the essence of our faith and human nature from so many angles (and in prose, none the less). So I, from afar, and Matt, as his student, both revered this man.

In early July 2010, Dr. Parrett was traveling in Korea with a friend and partner in ministry when his bus toppled through the guard rail on a bridge and landed far below. His friend was killed (12 total perished), and he was critically injured (12 total). The news hit hard in Boston and elsewhere. Both Matt and I felt an overwhelming sadness for this man and his family, and we fervantly began praying. I had never met him but I felt as if I had.

A few months later we started coming to a church pretty far from where we live. I found it a little ironic that it was the same church Dr. Parrett attended, and everyone there knew of what had transpired. Such a change from being the only ones in our current world to even know who he was! We've even worshipped to his amazing original hymn settings. With his hospital stay and physical limitations we hadn't seen him despite the fact that we've been at the church for almost half a year (ok, we saw him in passing once for about 2 seconds, but that doesn't count).

Last night we had a very special gathering of folks from our church who live up in our area (aka "Let's build community amongst the folks who drive really far to go to this church"). Dr. Parrett and his wife were there!! I exchanged only a couple words with him, but my husband got to eat dinner with him, share life stories, introduce myself and our daughter. I could see my husband's delight at getting to spend these special moments with this man after so many months of praying for him.

At the end of the evening, a fully-aware Dr. Parrett looked me in the eye, shook my hand, and thanked me for our prayers. It was a moment of deep peace for me although I am not sure I can describe it in words.

It was such a profound privilege to finally get to know him, and in his current state! We've prayed countless nights for him, we've heard the bad prognosis, we have sensed the grief in his family's writing and grieved with them. Yet, in spite of it all they have always remained full of faith, and we were blessed to also see Dr. Parrett's steadfast faith last night in full measure. He does not have the same physical and verbal ability as before, but he is still recovering. Matt said a current doctor compared a brain scan from right after the accident with one now, and had to double check that the first scan was actually his. The recovery he's made is nothing short of a miracle.

With all the bad news in the world, I wanted to share one story of hope. Today I am reminded of the mystery of God's grace. While I can't fully understand it, and I can't fully appreciate it, I know it exists.

Twentysomething

I'm a young professional, sort of.

I have an education, but not a terminal degree.

I'm older than my students, but younger than my colleagues.

I am a Proficient in my vocation, but also inexperienced.

I know a lot, but what I don't know is sometimes embarrassing.

I have a career, but also a family.

I have one child, but I'll probably have at least one more.

I own a home, but I'd like to move somewhere else permanently.

Being a Twentysomething is excellent, but it is often terrifying.

Post-Daniel Fast, Day 3

Who would've thought I'd be saying this, but....

I miss the Daniel Fast.

I miss the discipline. I miss feeling good after I eat every single meal. I miss having structure that allows me to be less selfish. I miss knowing that, for once, I can do something that I previously thought I couldn't do. I miss seeking after the Lord in a way totally contrary to normal.

All of these things are not what I embraced so heartily before. Ideals, yes, but not practices.

Now that I have free reign to eat what I please, I find that it doesn't make sense to do it. Guilty pleasures are not as satisfying as they were before. Yet it's hard to say "no" for some reason.

If we can discipline and deny ourselves of certain things like animal products, preservatives, and sugar for 21 days then I have to wonder: What would happen if we decided to do something more radical than this? I ask that rhetorical question within the confines of hope and anticipation. What if we (we=Matt and I? All of Us?) can escape the day-to-day grind of selfishness? What if we can live more fully than we ever allowed ourselves to do before?

We've long been feeling that we're not living our lives as fully as we ought, as fully as we've been called to. But What We Ought To Be Doing Differently is not yet clear. So for now I am happily entertaining these 'what if' questions in hopes that the answer comes soon.

In the words of Switchfoot:

"We were meant to live for so much more. Have we lost ourselves? We want more than this world's got to offer. We want more than the wars of our fathers, and everything inside screams for second life."

Last Day

Today is the last day of the Daniel Fast. As I sort-of told you before, this is a spiritually-driven fast that models after Daniel (of the Old Testament, chapter 1 and 10). Basically it's an opportunity to deny yourself of indulgences like sweets, breads, animal products, artificial ingredients (yes, they are indulgences only when you realize how many good foods have them), and preservatives...and fill those voids with prayer and discipline.

It's been a good journey; spiritually, physically, and mentally. I have some more clarity on the future, lost a couple pounds, and have had my eyes opened to the ridiculousness of the food industry (particularly the degree of removal regarding Where Our Food Comes From). I made every breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the past 21 days from scratch. I learned I have more discipline than I thought, and can actually overcome hunger pangs without eating. And after slowly decreasing my intake over the span of the fast, *gasp* I gave up coffee for 10 days.

Tomorrow I will be getting up early, purchasing a cup of coffee from Starbucks, getting work done in lightning speed (thank you, caffeine), teaching a quick class at 8AM then meeting my hubby for a Breakfast of Gargantuan Proportions at our favorite local diner. mmm...

Highlights

White bean, kale, and turnip soup

100% Whole wheat spaghetti with homemade sauce
Sauteed mushrooms and spinach (sauce is balsamic vinegar and Bragg's liquid aminos)
Fresh tropical fruit salsa
Curried squash and apple soup with corn-bran muffins
Date honey. Tastes like the inside of a cinnamon roll.
Flour-free cookies sweetened with date honey and applesauce

Chili with corn "muffins" (In quotation marks because they fell apart)

Balsamic roasted veggies (Brussels sprouts, sweet potatoes, bell pepper, red onion)
Our fast ends tomorrow. I am absolutely dying to have coffee, but overall it's been a great experience. Would definitely recommend this to friends.

Mango Ice Cream

Get your blender out. Blend frozen mango chunks till smooth. Enjoy.

Day 5

In a moment of indecisiveness last night I whipped a quick dinner together of completely opposing tastes: Vegetable Fried Rice and Balsamic Roasted Brussels Sprouts. The rice was flavored with Bragg's Liquid Aminos. This stuff tastes almost exactly like soy sauce, but does not contain the added salt and preservatives that soy sauce has. And like soy sauce, if you add too much then it will be really salty-tasting. Oops.

And then. The Brussels Sprouts. THE brussels sprouts. They were amazing. Roasted with salt, pepper, olive oil and quality balsamic vinegar (made at the Olive Mill in Geneva, IL), these babies were like eating candy. And who can say this about brussels sprouts? We can. Go. Try them. Now.

Today I had more than my fill of refried beans and pistachios (eaten separately) so I wasn't too hungry for dinner.

I made this delicious Salad.

And I am making Lentil Stew to freeze and eat leftover.

Day 4

Day 2 dinner: Potato Curry. One of the best curries I've made.

Day 3 was eventful, what with a blizzard that dropped ~15 inches of snow on our property. Dinner was Greek-Style Stuffed Peppers. Not bad! We ate pistachios for a night time snack. I had wrongfully thought I was allergic to them, and was delighted to find I was not!

Day 4 has already included a snack of Baked Yam Fries w/side of Balsamic Vinegar, and will undoubtedly also include a lunch Salad.

Our buddies are coming over for dinner, so I'm making a Black Bean Chili Bake. I'll be changing the recipe slightly, and adding a bunch of taco-like toppings to have on the side. And, because we love our friends and don't expect them to adhere to this extremism, I will be sure to offer them some cheese :-)

And I really crave chocolate, chinese food, and cheese.

Day 2

Good afternoon.

Today is a bit harder regarding the Daniel Fast. By "harder" I simply mean that I don't feel swell, and when you don't feel swell it's hard to want to make healthy choices. I ended up having an allergic reaction to my granola (I'm allergic to certain raw nuts and fruit). So last night I took Benadryl, and woke up this morning feeling extremely groggy, fatigued and slightly grumpy. I don't think this is a by-product of the fast, but rather of the medicine. I'm a bit bummed because now I've felt weak and tired all day. I was so looking forward to feeling amazing due to eating such healthy food. :-)

Ah well. Move on.

I had the same oats and fruit for breakfast. For a snack, I ate a fresh tropical fruit salsa from Whole Foods with Whole Foods' version of triscuits (which has only two ingredients: whole wheat and salt). And thus, I bought 3 boxes of said triscuits, because we can eat them with hommus, guacamole, salsa, put in soups and eat by themselves. A piece of heaven for my carb-loving-self.

And for lunch, leftover barley vegetable stew from last night.

See you again soon.

Baked Apples and Granola

To continue my documentation of how culture-saturated, cheese-bread-and-meat-loving, on-the-go-foodies can manage the Daniel Fast, I will share with you the scrumptious dessert we just enjoyed. Mine is still hot on the plate beside me. Well, it was.

Baked Apples and Granola

1/4 cup chopped dried cherries
1/4 cup water
1 cup old-fashioned rolled oats
2 T fresh apple juice
1 T extra-virgin olive oil
1/4 cup chopped almonds
1/4 cup chopped walnuts

(You may add raisins, coconut, and anything else that sounds tasty)

1 t cinnamon

1/2 t nutmeg

In saucepan, heat liquids, cherries, and spices. In a large bowl, combine all ingredients. Bake on cookie sheet with oven at 375, stirring in 3 minute increments until dry.

*Apples*

Two Apples(+), cored and sliced

3/4 cup fresh apple juice

2 t cinnamon

Combine the cinnamon and juice, pour over arranged apples in baking dish. Bake 375 degrees for approx. 20-25 minutes.

If desired, sprinkle granola atop apples, bake a few extra minutes.

Daniel Fast Day 1

Today is day 1 of a special fast my husband and I are doing. It's called the Daniel Fast, and it's basically a vegan diet with other restrictions (i.e. no sugar, preservatives, artificial ingredients, beverages other than water).

Yes. You can call us crazy. I think we are.

We have chosen to do this on our own free will, but the reasons are out of spiritual obedience. It's an opportunity to allow God's creation to sustain us the way it was originally intended to, and also a time for us to seek His will, be challenged in discipline and self-denial, and who knows what else.

Therefore, I will be doing the bulk of my reflecting on my own aside from this blog, but for those who are interested, I will periodically post some of the recipes we've tried.

For breakfast I had steel-cut oats with strawberries and blueberries. I added the fruit at the end of the cooking when the oats were still in the pot, making the flavor of the whole quite sweet.

Here's what we had for lunch:

Southwest Salad with Cilantro Lime Dressing

Leafy Greens

Tomatoes, sliced

Red Peppers, chopped

1 can corn, rinsed

1 can black beans, rinsed

1 avocado, sliced

1/8 cup onion, sliced

*Dressing*

1 lime, juiced and zested

3 T fresh orange juice

1/4 cup olive oil

1 T brown mustard

Dash of pepper, cayenne pepper, oregano, chili powder (I just threw in whatever sounded good)

1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro

We also made a huge batch of apple sauce, using a whole bag of red delicious apples. And the new potato masher my mother-in-law gave for Christmas.

My husband is dying of hunger. I, on the other hand, am quite content. We'll see how the tables turn as the days go on!