Sleep Begets Sleep

Today is day eight of parent-controlled sleeping for Katie. I can say that there are obvious results from this method, but what I can't say is whether or not I'm able to handle it!

The problem we've been having
After weeks of Kaitlin not sleeping well, and more recent night wakings (6-8 times a night) I had endured enough. I began reading "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child", a book given to me by my friend Christina before we had Kaitlin. It only took me six months to start reading it (sorry Christina!) and has completely transformed my thinking about schedule, sleep and the like for a baby. Obviously I am feeling foolish for not reading it sooner.

The principles

One of the principles in this book is to encourage a routine guided by regular nap and sleep intervals. If the child is awake for two hours, it's time to put them down for a nap. If the child has slept less than an hour, it is not a real nap. This is something I was clueless about. If the child sleeps less than an hour for any of their three daytime naps, the book suggests that you let them cry it out forup to an hour. Sounds simple...until you try it for the first time. When I did this, I felt like the meanest mom on the planet. I was afraid she would feel that I was abandoning her, that she would have permanent emotional scars from me leaving her up there like that. When I picked her up after the hour of screaming, I cried with her in my arms for ten minutes.

Before, I would feed her immediately before going somewhere. Then we'd run errands together. She'd sleep in the carseat on the drive there, wake up for a few minutes while getting her out of the car, then perhaps fall asleep for twenty or so more minutes while I shopped (or whatever I was doing). The focus was clearly on the time interval between feedings, not on the interval between or length of naps. I figured she was a baby that didn't need naps as much as other children.

The book says that "sleep begets sleep," meaning if they sleep well during the day, they will sleep well at night. The same is true vice-versa. If they sleep poorly during the say, they will sleep poorly at night. Strange, yet true concept.

Struggles with implementation

Since reading this book, I have realized that she actually does need naps...and desperately, at that. However, there are a few challenges we have faced since implementing the sleep schedule. I am wondering if anyone has advice or feedback in regards to these two issues.

The first issue is getting her to go down for a nap. There are times when she is practically asleep when I put her down and therefore will fall asleep with not so much as a peep. There are also times (like this morning) when she cries for longer than I can handle (15-60 minutes). All sorts of things go through my head. "I'm so mean." "This will pay off in the end." "What if she is_______ and I'm sitting here ignoring her?" (fill in blank - gassy, teething, sick, etc.)

The second issue is keeping her asleep. If she sleeps fourty five minutes, do I let her scream for another hour? The author would suggest so. Also, "Baby Wise" suggests basically the same thing (have been reading this too). They don't say anything about letting them cry it out for an hour, but they do suggest that a 45 minute nap doesn't count.

The author of "Healthy Sleep Habits" also suggests at night you let the child cry it out as long as it takes at night. That means, if she screams for 4 hours, I should let her do it. My gosh...we haven't had to cross that bridge yet, thank the Lord.

Personal Frustrations

One thing that is very frustrating to me is the flooring in my apartment. It sounds dumb but...both her and our rooms are immediately next to the stair case leading upstairs. The stair case as well as the tiny hallway (hardwood) CREAK HORRIBLY when stepped on. The floor even creaks when the cat walks on it. Due to MY OWN poor habits previously (would give her the pacifier when she cried, would come immediately to see what was wrong), she knows that the creaking sound means someone is coming to her rescue. I can't go upstairs because it gives her a false sense of hope, then disappointment ... resulting in an even longer crying session.

Now that we're letting her cry for long periods of time, it's very difficult to know whether I should go in and check on her (is her head pinned up against the crib railings? Has the blanket ended up all over her face?), or if the crying is normal. Checking in on her will usually result in negative consequences, but gosh I would hate to have her suffocate or become hurt due to my neglect. Keep in mind that her motor skills are quite undeveloped at this time; she is only able to roll over one way (to her left, and only from back to front). Compromising positions in the crib, while not too common, would be a definite bummer and possibly dangerous. We did just install breathable crib bumpers last week to help with this situation.

The other frustrating thing, and not as big of a deal, is that our kitchen is at the bottom of the stairs. So I'm afraid to do dishes or the like because of the clanging during her naps in fear of waking her and going through the difficult crying process again.

This takes sacrifice and patience. I am no longer willing, for her sake, to leave the house and run errands during her naptimes, that is, until she gets a better nap routine down. But as I said, I feel a bit paralyzed at home while she naps. Matt told me I should just put headphones on while she cries. But even then I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

The results

So far, she has been sleeping better at night. Some nights she has awoken once, others three times (book suggests if they wake up after only two hours, you let them cry it out so we did). Yes, it has been working. So far we can attest to the wisdom in implementing this principle, "sleep begets sleep." However, it's really hard on mom and a bit less hard on dad. I'm not sure I was emotionally ready for this.