A lot has happened in the three years since I quit writing on this blog. And I don't know if continuing it is something I want to do. But after reading many of these posts, I'm reminded of a quote my high school English teacher gave us: "We all have stories. Stories are all we have." My stories may not be valuable to everyone, but one story may be valuable to someone. Hence, this post.
It's 2014, and many things are still the same. I'm still gainfully employed, Matt is at the same job, Kaitlin is still our only child - though now 5 and in kindergarten; We still own the same condo I wrote about all those years ago, we drive the same vehicles, and even my cats are the same. Casper peed on our clothes yesterday, for example. Thanks, Casper.
Yet much has changed. We moved to the neighboring town and bought a home that had every element on a "wish list" I put together. We are enjoying a social and beautiful neighborhood, and built a swing set outside where Kaitlin loves to play with the neighbors. I began a doctoral program and have been picking away at that. When people ask, I tell them I'm on the "we don't talk about how long it will take" track. With much discipline and intentionality on her parents' part, Kaitlin overcame some fairly significant behavioral problems (aka tantrums) and is thriving in school. We became founding members of a church on the North Shore and have watched in awe as our lonely situation became one full of community and love.
Not all has been peachy. I've battled anxiety and stress more in the past year than any other time in my life. Uncertainties about my future have mounted up, and job security is a real concern. I've struggled with profound questions about being an academic, performer, mother, wife, and student all at the same time. I still don't have answers. A month ago I spent a day at the hospital after a prolonged charley horse in my rib cage area - doctors thought it was a blood clot but it was just a horrible cramp that wouldn't release. The cause? Dehydration. Stress. Neglect. Nobody is surprised, but it was really the culmination of a prolonged, copious amounts of never ending responsibility.
Truth is, I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm just a girl-turned-woman who is on this journey with so many others. But I do have a story to tell. So for now, I'm back to tell those stories between the chaos of life. Feel free to join me.
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